12th December 2017
Okay, the title is a slight exaggeration. I look out of my student accommodation and can see people walking along the icy paths- it isn’t impossible. I was supposed to mentor again today but the school has been shut, which to be honest is a relief because the last thing I want to do is travel in this weather.
I’m extremely lucky in that I don’t have to worry about things like commuting or travelling to a full time job when it snows heavily and leaves a backlash of ice everwhere. However I haven’t left the flat since Thursday last week (I think) and being indoors for this long is starting to take its toll on me. Luckily I do have things on tomorrow- an interview for a short term research assistant post at my uni (exciting) and meeting my supervisor for a project I’ve asissted with for the final time as I’ve completed all of my hours. But I have noticed the impact of being indoors.
I do remember the wonderful feeling of waking up on Sunday to it pouring down with snow and sleet, and seeing beneath my curtains just before I opened them the shine of the colour white scorching my eyes. I have a full length, big window infront of my desk and I’m high up, so I like to sit on the table and hang my legs over the edge just infront of the window to watch the view, and it felt great that I didn’t need to go anywhere. It made me enjoy the cosiness and warmth of my bed that bit more.
Although yesterday I started noticing things. I felt more anxious about leaving the flat which tends to happen if I don’t go out regularly. I’d overthink everything. I didn’t go in to my kitchen to cook dinner yesterday because a group of people were in there and I didn’t want the awkwardness of having to face them. My recent post on careers appeared positive and upbeat, although yesterday I started doubting myself. Am I good enough? Am I kidding myself to consider that I could commute every day doing a full time job for the first time? I started thinking about my future again and realised how different things appeared in my mind as a result of being cacooned in my cave for long periods of time indoors.
I notice that I begin to regress, the longer I’m inside. I almost become a child again that doesn’t live the busy lives others do- I become more vulnerable and lack confidence in my abilities. I don’t have any boosts of encouragement when I’m on my own so I have to motivate myself to work and do things like yoga. The effects haven’t been horrendous but I have noticed an effect.
It’s important to be aware of what triggers you. You don’t need to make changes straight away and be hard on yourself, but think about the things that make you feel negative, and think about how you could adapt things slightly to make things easier to cope with in your life.