18th November, 2017
It feels like a little while since I blogged; I haven’t known what to write about, and I feel as though I’m not being recognised that well lately which has demotivated me. Me and a fellow blogger spoke about this a little bit in one of my recent posts and it is nice to be part of a supportive community where other people are experiencing similar things to you and can relate to you.
Uni has been going well. Luckily I’m past the overwhelming stage of feeling out of my depth and overloaded with work, and I’ve even finished two of my assignments, one of which is due next week that I’ve submitted and the other in mid December. I feel more in control and less stressed than I did before. I met up with a friend that I’ve previously spoke about and things are starting to feel more constant and secure which has been challenging my fears regarding abandonment and trust. For once things have, at times, felt normal, and comfortable!
I’ve noticed that I haven’t comfort eaten as much this week, although that might be because I brought mince pies and cream for the week and I have eaten pastries..so maybe eating treats in the background can help to reduce the comfort eating where I eat a lot in one go! Relevant to this topic, I found a Youtuber who is an advocate of body positivity and self-love, which has got me thinking about body image and perceptions of ourselves. I’m not sure where I stand with her channel – at times I feel that some of her pictures actually reinforce the whole stereotype of women having to look a certain way to be acceptably attractive in society, but she does present as very genuine and passionate which is nice to see. I found her through a favourite youtuber of mine called Lisa Eldridge who is a makeup artist and she did a look on Iskra. I love watching make up tutorials – particularly by knowledgable people like her who do looks that are unique and not popular (e.g. cakey, clown look).
So my new coping mechanism has been video blogging. I’m not sure where I stand at the moment regarding publishing the content on my blog. I like the anonymity of blogging, and that people don’t know what I look like and can’t easily identify me. I don’t know whether it would be too exposing and whether it would sabotage those benefits if I was to share it with everyone. Anyway, I’ve turned to it when I’ve felt fearful, confused, and also when I’ve felt empty to try and process what’s on my mind. It helped me to feel less alone with my thoughts, and made it so I wasn’t reliant on the responses of others for validation and reassurance. It could be something for you to try.
I’m really lost at the moment with blogging – I have no idea what to write about. I haven’t been particularly inspired by anything, at least not enough to do a full blog post on. We’ll just see how things go, I suppose.